Mailbucket #10: Voting Copium
Also: Reminder to tune in tonight at 9 pm & midnight ET!
Happy Election Day, sickos! As I have always said, voting rationales (very much including my own) are like assholes—everyone’s got one, and they all pretty much stink. Still, many of you enjoy baring all, or at least working out your logic on paper, so I figured it might be a small service to collect a few of them in one place. (You can see previous Mailbuckets by working backward from here.) Today is super-busy, so I will eschew my usual mini-responses, and instead just remind you to stay tuned here for information later about our Fifth Column party-livestreaming tonight at around 9 p.m. and midnight ET. Onward!
From: Joseph
Subject: I Am Voting for Trump, Let Me Explain
Date: Nov. 4, 2024
Hello Friends,
To start off I want to say that I love the podcast and have been a paying subscriber as long as it has been an option. My wife became a stay-at-home mom last year and my subscription to your podcast is one of the luxuries I refused to let go of to make ends meet. I find myself longing, in the periods of time with no Fif, to hear your voices (in a completely ... well mostly heterosexual way).
On to the election...
I, like most libertarian-leaning folks I know, am voting for Trump. I live in Colorado, which has become solidly blue in the last few decades, so it probably doesn't matter much, but I vote in every election and this one is no different. I am doing it with a strong discomfort in my stomach, because I despise Donald Trump. I think he is a terrible human being with no deeply held values, but I am casting my ballot for him anyway. Let me explain.
Although I dislike Trump and the current path of the Republican Party, I don't believe they are organized enough to be, or have any coherent plans that are, detrimental to our republic long term. I don't have the same view of the Democrats. I don't think that the end of the Republic comes from either party, but I do think that one party is pushing us in the wrong direction more so than the other (plans as described by Jamie Raskin on Real Time, and the constant talk of more and more entitlement programs that never go away or see any reform), and I think that bouncing back from one is more difficult than from the other. I also think that cultural polarization is pushed more by Democrats than Republicans, and it makes us focus on our differences rather what we share. My opinion on the cultural issues and my mild comfort with voting for Trump is reinforced by my daily interactions with run-of-the-mill Republicans and Democrats. I admit this is anecdotal, and I am generally (not always) dealing with people who don't have any political power, but it still pushes me in the direction of R over D. Most Rs I deal with daily dislike Trump, aren't anti-woman or anti-immigration. They wouldn't be in favor of a totalitarian Trump any more than they would a totalitarian Kamala. Most Ds I deal with daily are Kamala. They talk about the evils of white men, the patriarchy, the daily murder of POCs by police, etc.
Like Moynihan said on Real Time, our institutions are robust and can handle Trump again. He is a bull in a China shop, and his excesses are more easily handled. I am confident that the Supreme Court and the legislative branch will keep his administration in check to the extent they can, and any dumb policy will be overturned, if not in his term, [then] in the next. I don't have the same confidence in the ability to restrain much of the Democratic policies, because they are slow-moving small changes that build up to shitty policy over time. The Democratic Party is far more tactical than the Republican, and they have a long-term vision that they want to progress towards, which feels more dangerous to me.
Thanks, and happy almost-end-to-the-election season,
***
From: Christopher
Subject: DOING THE THING! Or Maybe Not, We’ll See
Date: Nov. 4, 2024
Since I know there won’t be any more episodes until election night, I wanted to briefly summarize my position as a late 20s dude from Kansas, which is probably not important, but whatever. I have said for the past two months that I plan to sit this election out (I will be voting in the local elections, but I’ll either leave the presidential vote blank, or just write in my dad or something). This is a plan only, and not something I have felt inclined to announce, because I am open to the possibility that, even as late as the day before or even the day of the election, both candidates are so absolutely god-awful, that I actually believe there is a nonzero chance that one of them says or does something so heinous in the last hours that I feel that I actually have to vote against them. That is really what it has been the whole time for me; it was never about them winning me over. They never had that potential. The only thing they could possibly do is become so disgusting that I feel obligated to vote against them. Seriously. That said, as much of a nightmare as it has all been, I think they’ve managed to both push me so far against them both that voting for either would feel dirty, and as a working class guy from a Quality Assurance background, it has always been absolutely essential that I don’t put my name on anything I don’t have absolute faith in, and I am choosing to apply that here.
Some last thoughts: Being working class, I do really worry about a Harris administration doing real economic damage with things like price controls, and while I have a lot of concerns about Trump’s economic policy history, I tend to think it would probably do a bit better under a Trump administration. Maybe I’m wrong, but I do worry about that. Still not enough to make me vote though. I’ll be okay regardless. Still, I am open to a possible last-minute implosion from either candidate, so I opted out of early voting and will be in the booth tomorrow, whether or not the presidential ballot section gets filled in.
Finally, Kmele, that RFK Jr. impression was absolutely phenomenal, and I don’t know why no one said so. That was amazing, and you really need to bring that one out more, because it had me DYING.
***
From: Steven
Subject: I Was Brave (I Think) and Called Bullshit…
Date: Nov. 4, 2024
Boys,
Keep me in your thoughts this week. I live in Philly, I work at a university, I voted for Chase Oliver, and I’ve basically told all my friends and colleagues. So far I’ve parried the dumbest responses with my fruity forcefield: “I’m a gay man and voting for the only gay man on the ballot.” God help me if Trump wins though; I will have to take arms against the slings and arrows of outrageous bullshit for the next who-knows-how-many years.
I’ve already positioned myself as the non-progressive and been okay. I explained, for example, my support for ending affirmative action to our admissions team [and] why, while I do support abortion rights, Dobbs didn’t do what they thought it did, and Roe was a horribly crafted decision. But I’m a little worried that the affirmative act of not voting for Harris will cause more consternation. So if my paid subscription lapses, you’ll know things have gone pear-shaped and I’ve suddenly become a lot less libertarian as I apply for every assistance program under the sun.
Apprehensively yours,
***
From: Kyle
Subject: Bad Math
Date: Oct. 28, 2024
Gents,
I just wrote you a day or two ago saying some terrible shit and asking about Adderall. My apologies, although in my defense, that mushroom gummy was WAY more than a microdose.
This email is about these stupid “Half the country this…” and “Half the country that…” arguments everywhere from NBC to Bill Maher’s podcast. Why does no one push back on just how incorrect it is?
Thanks to this terrible narrative, people actually think the country is split down the middle with 1/2 liberals and 1/2 conservatives. Approximately 47% of all Americans actually voted in 2020, and although Biden and Trump got the majority of those votes, there's still people like us who hated both of those dumbass candidates and voted for Harambe. Going forward, the media HAS to stop generalizing and making this claim. Plus, does anyone actually think there will be more Americans voting in this election?
I would love to hear [if] one or all of you could call this bullshit out next time you're on Megyn Kelly, Real Time, or speaking at a "Are the Proud Boys actually racist?" debate at The Comedy Cellar (looking at you Kmele).
***
From: Ryan
Subject: Lamenting the Quality of Our Candidates
Date: Nov. 5, 2024
Hello Gentlemen,
I'm guessing there is only a 10% chance this email gets read on air
because it's *mostly* for Kmele, and it seems like he only makes about
10% of the Members Only pods these days, but I think Michael and
(especially) Matt (who is the most insightful, if not the most eloquent
of the three) will have some thoughts as well.
I've been listening since day one and I think all of you, but especially
Kmele, have at various points cheered on gridlock but also lamented the
piss-poor quality of our elected officials and most candidates. I
detect some tension between these two positions. The best and the
brightest in our society do not want to waste their time trying to join,
let alone serve in dysfunctional institutions that can't enact and carry
out meaningful policies. If we want a return to Jeffersonian
politicians then we need a government that actually does things.
Do you guys agree that there is tension between wishing for gridlock and
wanting better candidates, and if so, how do you resolve it?
Thanks as always for all you do.
P.S.: You guys don't get drunk on air enough any more. Can we get some
sloppier episodes? If you need us to send your more booze, just say so.
Voted for Chase Oliver because they both suck and he sucks less (also FL is a Red State now). I do believe we need to convince Justin Amash to actually run for president. Yes he’d have 0% chance of winning, but he would get the values that the Fifdom largely agree with out there.
Also neither major candidate has talked about repealing the Jones Act. Fuck the Jones Act.
Subordinating truth to politics is a game in which tyrants and bullies always win (a sentiment from Orwell). I grew up really liking Abraham Lincoln and read and learned a lot about him for reasons that I did not fully understand until I got older. He was the first individual of significance politically after the last of the founders, James Madison, had died almost 2 years before in 1838, when Lincoln gave his first significant speech in Springfield Illinois. He wrote about the topic "The perpetuation of our political institutions." He was worried about the sustainment of the Republic without the revolutionaries who had built it to preserve the constitution. It essentially boiled down to ordinary people exercising wisdom and restraint to respect and revere the law, even defending the law when it was unjust until it could be changed. The other point was "Reason-cold, calculating, unimpassioned reason-must furnish all the materials for our future support and defense." In the midst of the abject and unrelenting stupidity of our current political climate and the pathetic options we have for candidates keep in mind that Americans have kept the experimental alive long past the due date of when other Democracies have died. Who has our kind of history? I would never want to live anywhere else in the world. Have a good Tuesday everyone.