Mailbucket #12: Pete’s Vet Cred; First-Class Perks

Also: Should he just do it?

As you know, we get too many good/long/informed/hilarious emails than we know what to do with, and so we fill these here buckets. I do very light editing, excise some incriminating material, and respond in italics. Let’s get straight to ‘em!

From: [redacted male]

Subject: Pete Hegseth

Date: Jan. 19, 2025

Gentlemen,

Subscriber for a couple of years now, ding motherfuckin’ ding.

Former Green Beret and combat veteran here. I just listened to your discussion about Pete Hegseth. While I, too, want to party with this guy, and think that maybe that’s a negative indicator as to his fitness for the SECDEF position, he is focused on some of the right things. In particular whether women serving in combat roles is a wise choice.

A lot of reasonable people said when gender restrictions were lifted in 2016-2017, that as long as they can do the job to standard we don’t care if they are female. I was one of them. We all got played for fools.

Women weren’t making the cut in the Infantry basic training pipeline, especially a requirement to run five miles at a nine minute per mile pace. So we first ignored that standard (for female trainees only) and then lowered the standards and got rid of that requirement for everyone.

Airborne school has required a five mile run to graduate for decades. Tens of thousands of women have passed that standard and served in Airborne units since the 1980s. When the female trainees that couldn’t run five miles in basic couldn’t make the Airborne run, we removed that as a standard in 2018.

When the Army created a new fitness test at the same time as removing gender barriers, it created three tiers of unisex requirements. The top tier standard, for combat units, required a soldier to run two miles at a nine minute per mile pace. That standard went away, too.

I keep returning to the run standard because it’s the fitness metric that translates most directly to carrying a bunch of gear on your back in a combat zone and keeping up with your unit.

This sets us up for failure in a pitched battle in the future. We haven’t seen it as a problem because we have a deep bench of special operations units that handle most of our fighting until we have a big war. We haven’t deployed large amounts of general-purpose forces since gender integration and had this weakness exposed. Think Fallujah or the Helmand Province. But someday we will, and soldiers will die because we weakened our military for a political talking point. And maybe we’ll lose a battle or a war along the way.

I ask that you not use my name if you read this on the podcast. I’m currently writing a paper debunking the accepted narrative about sexual assault in the military and don’t need this associated with my name first.

Happy Sunday,

(Love me some informed analysis, thank you!)

***

From: [redacted female]

Subject: No Moldova

Date: January 26, 2025

Gents,

I have been out of commission for a while, but I’m all caught up on episodes now, a little in the cups with a few free minutes to send this love letter.

To try to shorten a very long story, I missed several shows after breaking all the fucking parts of my left ankle in Croatia late July, checking into a Polish hospital then getting broken out of that hospital when after 24 hours it became clear that it was more of the Polish Prison hospital persuasion, getting EVACd by a military co-worker (same guy that broke me out the Polish Prison) to Landstuhl (eight-hour drive), having lots of metal implant surgery then back to work in Poland, then another EVAC to Landstuhl for infection (probably harvested from that Polish Prison hospital) with subsequent skin-grafting, and finishing my adventure with general malaise, a little depression, some lost wages, physical therapy, and no weekend trips to unexplored cities or countries like Moldova (sorry Matt). In the middle of all that, my phone was stolen from an Uber driver, my siblings and I found out our Mom may have dementia, and two of my baby cats I took in died from some strange Polish cat virus which led me to wonder if that was what I had in my leg but I’ll probably never know. And I had to start training a little baby lieutenant who I now consider my new kitten because he falls asleep at his desk randomly throughout the day.

After playing catch-up on a few months’ worth of episodes, here’s what I can summarize:

· MM still has the sexiest voice, even when he’s miming Melania.

· Kmele (with help from my oldest nephew) has convinced me that I need to start reading Cormac McCarthy -- my nephew says start with Blood Meridian … Kmele, any thoughts?

· Matt has the best laugh; his laugh never gets old and always makes me laugh in return.

· All of you should refrain from any broad opinions about women’s issues and Soldier stuff -- you guys do this well in general, so I do appreciate that, but keep that in mind since none of you are chicks and you’ve never been Soldiers.

· Anyone who subscribes to this podcast and then bitches about too much Dylan can suck it and find another podcast to bitch about.

· Also: Matt seems to have the best grasp on reality and facts, so sometimes when Kmele or MM are opining on topics, I just wait for Matt to jump in and rant before I get riled; [i.e.] most recent public episode.

Regarding recent episodes:

· Our new SECDEF sounds like most of us Vets, I’ll just leave it at that.

· I agree in theory to the sentencing arguments you all have repeatedly made about the Jan. 6 fucksticks, with the exception of Rhodes and Tarrio. I hold Army Vets to a much higher standard, so in my very subjective opinion he should have been released from the prison only to be shot or hung. Tarrio should have been kept, maybe for life, just for being an overall douchebag who never served in the military but was apparently a chicken farmer, convicted grifter, and Rat for the feds turned paramilitary wannabe soldier dumbass when all those other career choices didn’t pan out.

· MM needs to do a better job at communicating his travels -- I think there are a few of us Never Fly Coach types in Poland and nearby countries, and with just a little warning, I’m sure most of us would welcome and help organize a Fifth gathering, and take time off work to attend and recover as needed.

Matt: To return to the subject line, I don’t see Moldova in my future. I think with the new administration we’ll suffer cutbacks in Europe, and even if they aren’t immediate, I’m tired and ready to go back to the States to work for a while. I’ll sneak in another trip or two before I leave, but those will probably be Italy or Spain, my favorite countries. And I’ll definitely squeeze in an Auschwitz visit before I go; I had to cancel a planned trip there recently because my ankle isn’t quite ready yet, and using a wheelchair there seems like a grotesque idea as well as logistically stupid. I will miss the cheap groceries, cheaper wine, and very cheap cigarettes in Poland, but I really miss good cheeseburgers, Velveeta, Triscuits, good porn without a VPN, real breakfast with fucking hashbrowns (a concept not yet understood in Poland), the morning-after pill, and American healthcare without having to drive eight hours to get it.

I love you guys and I thank you for helping get through some of the darkest moments of my adventures in ankle-breaking, especially those when I was eating too many vegetables and fruits, taking lots of drugs, and not drinking at all, alone in my Polish apartment wondering “where the hell’s Missouri” (my fav line from Cole Younger in the Long Riders).

Much love,

(Much love to YOU, A! Good luck the ankle, and get yo’ ass home, already.)

***

From: Adam

Subject: H1-B Discourse

Date: January 23, 2025

Hey fellas,

I wrote a really a long email to you about H1-B visas the other day after listening to Batya [Ungar-Sargon] and Brianna Wu discuss it on The Free Press, but then realized it was super boring, so I deleted it. Anyway, listening to journalists debate about a topic which I know a lot about once again reveals that most people have no idea what they are talking about. Batya is 100% wrong that it’s a disgrace and travesty that we hand out H1-B visas when there are perfectly good Americans who can do all the jobs. As someone who hires and retains people in engineering (not “tech”), here are the facts:

1) Yes there are Americans who can do the job, but there aren’t enough of them to meet the demand. There is a large appetite for building stuff in the U.S.; if we want to get shit done, we need people who can do it, and that’s going to mean some H1-B visa holders.

2) It costs companies time, effort, and money to bring on and train H1-B employees, and we risk losing them if their lottery number doesn’t come up. This is not a cost-cutting measure.

3) Highly qualified candidates are in high demand, whether they are citizens, green card holders, or visa holders. The market sets their salary, not individual companies.

4) International employees bring immense value to companies. Some of our best and brightest and most innovative employees are international. Others are American. It’s great! My career has been made immeasurably richer due to international employees at my company.

5) This is it a big tech issue, it impacts many industries.

Anyway, I like Batya but she is a commie and she is totally wrong and should go live with Bernie Sanders.

Hopefully the Pale Ale helped and this wasn’t too boring, the first draft was a snoozer.

Thanks for the level-headed and sane (yet insane?) content over the years.

(Thanks for the testimony, Adam!)

***

From: David

Subject: A Recent Loss

Date: January 22, 2025

Hi Gentlemen,

I’m a paid subscriber, blah blah ding ding.

I wanted to reach out to share a brief obituary about someone in my life that recently passed away. I’ve had a hard time sharing this with folks both for ethical and political reasons but I realized y’all and Fifth Column listeners would appreciate his story.

I’m a social worker and therapist, and I work on a treatment team for people in my state … with some of the most acute mental illness outside of the state hospitals. (As an aside, I totally see some of the issues y’all frequently address vis-a-vis mental illness, but IMO some of the conclusions you draw, and the criticism levied specifically against “harm reduction,” are aggravating AF/wrong for reasons I’d love to discuss in person next time you’re [in town]).…

One of my clients died in his sleep the night of January 20. He was a senior, a recovered opioid addict, a cancer survivor, a lifelong sufferer of unmedicated bipolar disorder, and he had extensive trauma. His trauma stemmed both from child abuse from a relative, and violent anti-Semitism in 1950s and ‘60s New York City in which he was nearly lynched. He became a Republican as a consequence of the anti-Semitism he experienced. He lost contact [with] most of the people in his life due both to the extensive drug use, and, if were being honest, probably also from the unmedicated bipolar.

I met with this man every week for the past three years. We would spend an hour every week talking through his anxiety-and-depression thoughts and behaviors, [which] included both artifacts of trauma (trauma nightmares, intrusive thoughts of self-hate, urges to use again), and anger or fear of the world [that] NewsMax introduced him to. But eventually our relationship deepened. I shared that I was a libertarian, and educated him on what that meant, and we would find ourselves having polite debate over political issues such as immigration, drug policy, Israel, etc. I also shared with him scant details of my life, that I am married, have dogs, am Jewish etc., and with time created a strong therapeutic relationship with real roots and connection. Although I did my best not to enable it, I often would discuss to my supervisor the way [the patient] seemed to regard me like a son.

People often say that a person who is close to death needs to have their house in order; or, they need to feel permission; or, they need to feel ready. For the past several years he expressed a fear of dying in pain, as well as a fear of dying before Trump was elected. Then the assassination attempt happened, and he began to express a greater fear of Trump dying than fear of his own death. I think, and I hope, that seeing Trump safely inaugurated and signing those fucking executive orders gave him the permission to let go of his will to live and to die in peace.

Because of the [Democratic] state I live in, and because people suck, few I have shared this with can hear it without complaining that he is a Republican and … has committed Orwellian wrong-thought.

I’m going to miss him a lot.

(Very sweet story, David; thanks much for sharing it, and also for being banged up about it a bit. Totally human and humane.)

***

From: Joe A.

Subject: First Time in First Class (Spoilers: With Prostitutes and Poors)

Date: January 22, 2025

Gentlemen,

Paid subscriber. You may remember me from such email classics as “Libertarian Councilman” (who quit and sold his soul for a great paying federal job), and “Michael, I cannot un-see your face.”

Well, I did a thing you recommended. I took four First Class flights for work.

You have ruined me. I can never again stand and board with the poors. I felt as if I was home, in my rightful place -- a slightly larger seat. I was shocked to see that the regular First Class travelers not only looked down on me (being able to tell I was a poor), but [on] the staff as well. I watched the gentleman next to me take off his suit coat, merely tap the stewardess (they aren't flight attendants when flying First, in my opinion) on the shoulder and gesture to his coat. She replied, “Of course,” and it dissipated into the front of the cabin for the flight.

I wish to treat humans with the level of dispassionate, disconnected gesturing that this man has managed to accomplish.

Secondly, on my last flight home I was sat next to a very attractive young lady. We talked, she seemed very interested in me, which is strange on account of how poor and ugly I am. She merely had a clutch, no overhead bag or checked luggage. She said she was flying to another property for the weekend. She was a realtor and began to tell me about her life, and was very interested in me.

The conversation quickly shifted to how she didn’t mind if her boyfriend cheated on her, as long as he didn’t flaunt it in public or to his friends. She began to argue a pro-infidelity point of view, suggesting that all men cheat but they should have the decency to keep their side-hoes private. Treat her like a queen in public, but keep your extra fries in the bag or on the floor of the car.

She wanted to exchange socials and I declined, because the only one I had was Twitter, because I’m over 30 and married. It then dawned on me. A young, attractive woman, interested in cheating, wanted to connect with me long-term? Wow, I must be really impressive.

Upon later reflection, this was how I met my first prostitute. She had a wig in her bag. She found me interesting. She had no checked luggage. Her marketing and lead-generation skills are amazing, she just baited the wrong target.

Summary: Flying first ruined me. I can never go back. It reminds me how poor I really am. Occasionally you meet hookers.

(Grade-A email, this. Though also, do not discount your inner Sexy!)

***

From: [redacted]

Subject: I Think I’m Being Epstein’d

Date: January 17, 2025

This is a weird one. It’s not as weird as the subject-line suggests, but I’m looking for very specific advice.

I work as a reporter on the sports memorabilia and general collectibles industry. I cover a lot of categories, including historical documents and rare books.

A while ago, a dude reached out to me and said he enjoyed my work, and was the buyer of the items from my most recent article, which covered the sale of a broadside printing of [an important American historical document].

He took a liking to me. For context, I’m 26. We speak nearly daily. I actually enjoy it a lot, he tells me about all the amazing history behind the magnificent pieces he owns, and we nerd out. He really likes me. Has offered to fly me on his jet to auctions, take me to various sporting events where he knows the owner of the team, and generally the stuff you would do if you wanted to fuck me.

He quickly revealed himself to be a billionaire (or close to one) who is involved in a tightly knit community of wealthy collectors of historical documents and manuscripts ([historical American] broadsides, significant letters signed by Presidents during their term, etc.).

His best bud is [a famous conservative American collector]. He has invited me to come down to Dallas, where I would be able to cover the group on the record and speak with them about their collecting philosophies, the cool stuff they have, and paint a scene of this [right-wing] group of billionaires in Dallas who own about half of obtainable copies of the most significant documents in American history. Would be a great chance to write something really substantial outside of my admittedly silly and inherently pointless collectibles beat.

So my question(s) for you gentleman:

1. I’m a billion percent going to write the story [about the collector] and the gang. What sort of advice do you have for framing a story fairly, which in this case involves their politics — the celebration of history is explicitly political in nature, and is driven by their right-wingedness — without pissing them off to the point I lose access?

Also, this dude wants to fuck me. He offered to “fly me out” next month for a meeting ... which he refused to describe.

I know that was long, poorly written, and likely boring.

I’ll wrap up: He wants to fuck me!

He’s taking me to [an] auction with the world’s foremost expert of historical documents. He and I have never even met in person; he just calls me and texts me and offers lavish gifts.

So, that begs the question and the real reason I’m writing this email:

Do I lean in, leave my soon-to-be fiancée, and just fuck this right-wing billionaire for the cash?

(There’s … a lot here; and there would have been even more had I not wisely redacted a lot names above, including your own. I look forward to other listeners’ advice.

Here’s mine: Do NOT have sex with this man, do NOT accept any gifts more lavish than picking up a dinner/drinks tab, and DO leave your fiancée; since if you even have to ask, you’re not ready to get married. It’s also possible, because at 26 you are still on the borderline of being a young dumb guy, that you are misreading all the signals, on account of having not encountered many people like this before.

I am not trying to be a buzzkill; I am trying to be responsive to the first part of your first question, “What sort of advice do you have for framing a story fairly[?]” A precondition of getting anywhere near fairness is being honest, mostly with your subjects but also with yourself. It’s pretty straightforward to say, “Thank you very much for your offer, but I cannot accept your lavish gift, though I am very happy indeed to take you up on your offer of access to X, Y, and Z!” Reporting is an exchange; being super up-front about the boundaries/terms thereof is not only the decent thing to do, but will with skill get you very interesting access and insight that you can concentrate on much better when you’re not distracted by questions of fucking.

Having thus put yourself in position to approach the material fairly, I would not overly pre-game how you might frame a thing you have not yet experienced and gained knowledge about. If explicit politics/ideology is an important part of the story, you will discover that, portray it fairly, and there truly is no need to worry about pissing anybody off. If, on the other hand, you treat this is an opportunity to infiltrate and yank the wigs off a right-wing cabal, well, that’s a choice, but chances are it won’t be nearly as interesting as the actual story, and yes, you will lose access.

America is a great place, with oddball characters and whole categories of human we haven’t even heard about yet. What an opportunity! With deftness and integrity, you can turn this into an entire rich vein to mine for months and years to come. I envy you for that. Please report back.

OK! Until next time, folks!)